The smell of testosterone was in the air as I sat eating lunch next to a bunch of Oxford rowers. While trying to keep pieces of fatty meat from revisiting my plate I also had to listen to this:
Rower A:“Yeah, so I hear she’s no longer a feminist”
Rower B: “Heh heh, yeah. She’s found love and moved in with that guy”
Rower C: “Yeah, he’s brought her down a notch”
Rower B: “We must have knocked all her ideals out of her when she was here then”
Heh. Yeah. Oh, and I am just the feminist sitting next to you who can’t wait to have her ideals knocked out of her by one of her classmates.
Perhaps I missed something but last I heard feminism meant a belief in the equality of the sexes. So why did equality for women scare these 6-foot rowers? Were they worried that if feminists took over the world there would no longer be adult women dressing in school girl uniforms at their college parties? Or that their dog-eared and soggy stash of pornography would be destroyed by the female militia? Or, more simply, that their balls would be cut off?
These questions caused me to have a deep internal crisis over my mashed potatoes. Was it impossible to support women’s equality and still have a healthy relationship with men? I liked balls. Did that mean I was not a feminist? I liked sex. Did that mean I should not want women to earn the same as men? Damn, just like their friend, I was in love with a man. There goes my right to vote.
And why were these men rejoicing because someone no longer believed in the equality of the sexes? Would one rejoice if a friend became racist, pro-apartheid, or anti-Semitic? How did saying that someone believed in equality become an insult? You bloody tolerant non-racist! You nonsexist arsehole!
Although fortunately I didn’t much want to be friends with these rowers anyway, it is not just people like them who see feminism as something shameful. Sadly, many women feel just as uncomfortable with feminism as my rowing contemporaries. I can talk about fucking more easily with many of my female friends than feminism. In fact, when my friends even mention feminism it is often in hushed tone and accompanied by furtive glances over their shoulders. These are the same friends who will talk loudly and unselfconsciously about how horny they are. It would seem that feminism is the new f-word.
So why does feminism also scare so many of my usually unshakeable women friends? Do they think that women’s equality requires them to be like men and they like shaving their legs too much? Are they afraid men won’t find them attractive? Or do they feel alienated from certain aggressive branches of feminism and want to disassociate themselves from the actions of the radical feminists in the 1970s?
Perhaps the reason for this antifeminism sentiment can be attributed to everyone wanting to think that the work has all been done. If feminism no longer exists then that must mean that women now have the same political and economic rights as men, have access to the same resources and range of choices, and aren’t victims of gender-based violence. We can all live happily ever after. Perhaps this is true for some women but for many, particularly those in the Africa and the Middle East, unfortunately this is not the case.
All these thoughts buzzed and tapped like an insect against a window yet I sat quietly next to my rowing colleagues and let them continue their inane and chauvinistic chatter oblivious to my presence. I finally finished my meal and left the dining hall disgusted. With the food, my colleagues, myself.