One of the downsides I have noted about living in a big city is the amount of planning required. I may be wearing the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia, but my memories of life in New Zealand didn’t involve vast quantities of coordination, planning and booking ahead. As I recall it, there was a lot of last minute, ‘what are you doing tonight?’ calls, and many occasions of throwing stuff in the car on a Friday and driving somewhere when the weather was looking good for the weekend.
Regretfully however, in London, spontaneity seems to be evaporating from my existence and I’m not liking it.
It’s not that I don’t try to be spontaneous, it’s purely that the way this place and the people within it operate that force the spontaneity out of you. Several weeks ago, in the month of March, tickets went on sale for Ricky Gervais, which will be a damn entertaining night. Tickets were purchased. For September… It seems wrong to be buying tickets 6 months in advance. Who knows what I might be doing on a Wednesday in September and whether I will even want to go and see Ricky Gervais then? I’m sure I would like to still like to see said comedian in 6 months time, but it certainly irritates me that this level of pre-planning is involved…
Tickets in general annoy the hell out of me. They go on sale far in advance, and as there are so many dirty scalpers making a quick buck, they get sold out in days if not hours. So you barely get a moment to decide whether you definitely want to go, if you’re going to be around on the day in question and whether anyone else wants to go too. You just have to buy the ticket now and worry about the details later.
Just this week (3 months in advance) a friend and I have been looking at venues for holding a joint birthday party. The thing that is ironic is that on speaking to my mum in the weekend and having told her I was starting to look at organising my birthday, she remarked ‘that’s a bit early isn’t it?’. Well as it turns out we had almost left it too late. There’s a raft of big country houses in England that are available for rent for house parties, and this was what we were after. Hours and hours we spent on the internet, finding fabulous home after fabulous home, but every one was the same. Booked out for every weekend of the summer. Who are all these people having parties in the country?! I was so irritated that all these people had gotten in first. I thought 3 months early was enough but clearly not. Thankfully however, we found a place that was free so dilemma sorted.
So with all this booking ahead, this is how your calendar gets cluttered. Random tickets and flights bought months in advance so they don’t get booked out, or so that you don’t get severely ripped off. The last minute deal thing is definitely a myth.
And with every other pal in London’s calendar also suitably cluttered it becomes an absolute minefield to coordinate and get a few people together at a given time – without months of prior warning that is. And so because of this, people are forced to get in first and book you out weeks and months in advance for various dinners and parties. With a diary that’s chocker with engagements it’s hard to have the time and energy to be spontaneous. And the thing that exacerbates this all, is that if you try a few times without success you’re less likely to keep trying and this then becomes a vicious circle. The more tied up people get the less likely you are to ask them out at the spur-of-the-moment and the less spontaneous our lives become.
Anyway, having sat down and thought about how organised and predictable London life has become has made me all the more determined to try and keep some spontaneity in my life. And to the rest of you Londoners, try and do the same. Keep the odd slot free and if you feel like catching up with someone make the ‘what are you doing tonight?’ call. Resist the urge to think they’ve got plans, you never know til you ask, and who knows, maybe they’re keeping a slot free for you…
I have certainly experienced what you say Kristen.
I am now in NZ on a 2 week holiday and having lived in the UK for 4 years, I have been used to a constant stream of weekend planning. I found myself becoming a "no" person, when I used to say yes to everything as life just became so busy and stressful there was no room for relaxation, me time and the spontanaety of doing something when you felt like it, not when you thought you might feel like it 3 months ago.
Whilst in NZ yesterday I asked my sister for lunch, she was like "ok I will be round at 1pm, that way i have time to do my assignment". This was at 11:30! If someone had asked me to join them for at 1pm lunch in London, at 11:30, my first instinct would have been "oh sh-t, better get ready as I have to be out of the house in 30 minutes if I am to make it in time"… I really really miss the ease of getting from A-B and the flexibility in life this affords.
I guess it is life in the big city. The irony of having so many more exciting things to do, but not time to do them…
Perfectly summed up Kristen. When people ask the question of what do I most miss about home, this is it. It’s the freedom of waking up on a Saturday morning, looking out the window and making the call to load up the car and drive to the Coromandel/Ohakune/Mangawhai/[insert favourite spot here] for the weekend.
But ya gotta make the most of where ever you are in the world. Everywhere has it pros and cons. Perhaps the extreme level of forward planning is the price you’ve got to pay for being able to jet across to Europe, roll up to Glastonbury or watch Ricky Gervais.
I have been struggling with the same thing Kristen. Getting a group of friends together at the same time seems like a huge feat. Most of us seem to have more friendships based online, than in real-life. We are all busy visiting a different country or seeing a new bar or band. All these choices can also take the fun out of experiences. Remember being home in NZ where you would probably see 2 or 3 gigs a year – over here we see that many a month. We are so spoilt with new experiences that we seem to have lost that child-like sense of excitement… or maybe we are all just growing up?
Hi Kristen,
Interesting post. I find living in NYC almost the same except that it is more compact so traveling time isn’t the issue. What I hate is how anything good you have to queue for. I am so tired of deciding to go out to dinner only to get there and find a) You have an hour long wait for a table; or b) You have to do a humiliating sprint to the only spare table.
Even dinners planned weeks in advance can be thwarted by the 100 other people who want to eat at the same place.