I was going to continue and complete ‘Watch Yourself (Part I)‘ but I can’t quite get my thoughts off some irritating crap I’m going through at the moment. Insomnia has paid a visit and is overstaying its welcome. I’ve had more than a few weeks of it – maybe around six I think? I can’t really remember when it kicked in. One of the strangest things about not sleeping is that waking life (and there is a lot of it) really focuses in on the here and now – it’s hard to cast your mind back to when it first began, let alone what happened last week. In fact I’ve been sitting here for more than a few minutes trying really hard to figure out when and how it started, and I just can’t.
I’ve had minor sleeping problems in the past, but nothing as frequent and quite so ridiculous as this. It’s the kinda thing that you expect to just fade away on its own, like a cold, but after a while it gets you to thinking that it’s not going anywhere. And the paranoia that comes with not sleeping properly for an extended period of time heightens that thought. And the more you think about it the worse it gets, etc ,etc etc. Quite the cycle, damn it.
The word itself sits a touch uncomfortably with me. Insomnia. Insomniac. There’s a slightly deranged sound to it when you say it out loud (or repeat it over and over in your head). And the only experience I have with it is a pretty brutal fictional one from Fight Club. Perhaps I need some meatloaf.
I would do that if it was gonna work, believe me.
It’s certainly an opening to crazy times I reckon. There have been a few times where I’ve been peering around that corner just slightly. A couple of nights ago I was lying in bed trying to be very still and calm my mind etc and was doing really well – almost asleep. That is, until I realised I was talking to myself (in my head, Ggg was asleep after all – insomniacs can maintain impeccable manners, I’ve discovered). I was pretty pissed off, given that I had appeared to be almost asleep, and an argument ensued. With myself. In my head. Splendid. There’s nothing quite so odd about lying in bed listening to yourself having an argument with yourself, as having to intervene to stop it. I kid you not. Eventually the three of us argued ourself to a mush of sound, kinda like the tigers that turned to butter in that book from when you were a kid. I don’t recall much after that; maybe sleep came.
There have been some deliciously stupid and prolonged dreams too. One that stands out is an epic where I considered every possible configuration of van and canopy layouts my mates and I could use at Glastonbury this summer. And I haven’t even got a ticket yet. But you can be sure when I do, and when I get there, I’ll have the right configuration sussed. But will probably be too busy finding the cider bus and will leave it to Brackie and Savoir instead… For that reason, and simpler ones, I realised after way too long in that dream that my time would be better spent getting some deeper sleep and luckily managed to drift off to it.
In fact, I’m incorrect in saying ‘some’ dreams – there have been a vast array of episodes equally wasteful of my potential deep sleep time over past weeks. Every night produces its own clutch. It feels like most of the time I’m actually asleep I’m getting no lower than REM…long, crazy dreams are fun for a while, but even the circus gets monotonous if you’re working every night as an usher.
My discomfort with the word means I haven’t really bandied it about too much; preferring to just cover myself with excuses of tiredness or illness. But in the past few days I’ve found myself in a bit of a skittish state a couple of times and have needed to explain why. Perhaps it was also a desire to get it out there; speak the name that shan’t be spoken and that kinda thing. Either way, the couple of times I’ve used it in conversation the other person has said not only that they’ve been through it themselves, but that they’ve been sucked into it lately too. Until then it had been a experience in solitude; now I feel like I’m connected to a whole new world of potential crazies. Excellent!
So this post is kind of a plea. If there are others out there in the same sitch, or have had experience in the past, please drop a comment with some tips on how to beat this sucka. FYI, tricks tried so far:
- Chamomile tea with honey,
- Lavender drops on the pillow (mmm…), and
- Quiet Life herbal remedy.
Oh, and I know I need to quit coffee and run more – but they’re hard. Any other suggestions, as quirky as they sound, will be tried and tested. Unless they’re illegal, of course. Who knows, your Grandma’s secret recipe may be a hit.
Sweet dreams.
Hey Buddy, I’ve been there – somehow surviving on 4-6 hours sleep, a V first thing in the morning and naps on the weekend to catch up on lost weeknight sleep. I’d hate hearing how friends would fall asleep within 30 seconds and wake up refreshed!
Anyway, not sure how open you are to it, but yoga and a bit o’ meditation helped no end – just teaches the mind to focus on things other than those pesky thoughts that swim through your mind. I’m still a restless sleeper but can fall asleep within 20-30 mins now (instead of 2am) and train myself to go back to sleep if I wake in the middle of the night. Plus I can now get through the day without caffeine and feel okay.
Another tip is to use a sleeping pill (herbal, as that sounds like it’s your preference) to break the habit of thinking you’re going to be awake for the rest of the night. Hopefully if you use it just the once or twice, you’ll get a good night’s sleep and not stress so much the next night.
My last tip, and just thinking about it now, I think has been my saviour from insomnia – ear plugs. Works a treat in conjunction with a couple of the other things. Have you tried them before?
Let me know how you get on and good luck – hope you’re not awake at the mo!
Nic
Yeah, meditation and yoga have been recommended by others too. Certainly worth a crack and I shall do so. Apparently warm milk contains a dose of tryptophan – a natural sedative – and by adding honey it gets into your system faster. I shall give that a go too…
Interestingly, since posting this article I’ve been getting a few more hours a night. Cathartic, perhaps…